Again...SERIOUSLY!

So I haven't been feeling too good, you know the usual - tired, drained, EXHAUSTED - but I just blamed it on going back to work and trying to get a schedule again with Hudson and work and everything. Well finally today I realized that I was in a lot more pain than just being completely run down, my body was aching, I had the world's worst headache and I was having trouble nursing. I woke up at 2AM and was forced to pump, managing to get almost 20 ounces out right then, but I was still in so much pain!!! I managed to fall back asleep but on a heating pad and only for about 30 minutes...yep...you guessed it, Mastitis AGAIN! I had called the doctor to just get them to call in my prescription refill but when the nurse called me she assured me that I couldn't be getting it again this soon after getting a shot just three weeks ago, so in I go, they were able to work me in right then. I get there...wait forever, only to have the doctor say "yep, looks like you got it again, I'll get you another shot and we'll start you on some antibiotics again." I mention his nurse's "words of wisdom" and he kinda chuckled...said he would write me some refills and said that's silly, that some women are just more prone to getting it then others and that no amount of medicine or shots can make it stay away. I think that ole nurse just wanted my $20 copay again! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! So I go back to work, feeling just horrible, but running a heater under my desk...yes it's 108 degrees outside and I have a heater running in my office, I can't get warm! The shot helped and I was feeling good by mid-afternoon but by the time I got home I was not feeling so good anymore. You know it's a double-edged sword...I want Hudson to sleep all through the night, but when he does this I can't express the milk and thus the infection will come. Imagine the flu...only 100x worse, you're more exhausted because you have not just yourself to worry about anymore, oh and then you have to worry about cooking dinner once you make it home. I need a maid, one that will cook and clean, do some laundry too. I just need to be able to get up, tend to Hudson, go to work, then come home and be able to enjoy Hudson! Oh well...hopefully by morning I will be well on the road to recovery and feeling 100x better! I'm beginning to think that I liked being pregnant more and more each day...but Hudson's just so dang cute!!

My 2 month old!!!

Ahhhhhhh has it really already been two whole months? Where did the time go? The time really has flown by, Hudson has changed soooo much!

My sweet lil' monkey, in the past month you have grown 1.5 inches (measuring 23 inches), you've gained about 2 pounds (weighing 12.2 pounds) and have developed quite a personality! I LOVE waking you up every morning, you are so happy and talkative, I love our drives to grandma's because you tell me all about your dreams you had the night before. For the most part you are sleeping through the night, giving us at least about 5 or 6 hours but sometimes 9 hours!!! You are sleeping in your nursery, in your crib and it was very hard for mommy to come to terms with that. You were so close to us for so long, I hated to put you in your crib but knew I needed to. You are starting to smile a lot more, you LOVE fans and daddy loves to turn it on for you to start smiling. Your sight is great, you will follow us in a room, which is sometimes bad because when you don't see us you can get a little fussy! We have tried to get you to take a paci but you don't seem to be too concerned with it, you would much rather smack on your fist...and I mean SMACK! We can hear you all over the house smacking on your fist!! Dixie is beginning to warm up to you, she doesn't take off running so much anymore when you begin to cry or make noises. Me and daddy are going out a little bit more with you, taking you on errands and out to dinner with us and you will sleep for the most part. You make cute lil' "hootie owl" sounds that just melt my heart, and when you smile I fall in love all over again! Daddy still has a little problem with the amount of diapers you go through each day but mommy doesn't mind one bit! You have little accidents sometimes and have an “explosion” in your diaper...daddy says “eww” but mommy just smiles. You are beginning to fit into some 3 month clothes, you can still wear your newborn onesies though and some 0-3 month outfits. I still have the cutest pair of newborn denim shorts that you can’t fit into and I want you to wear them!! I love watching you each day and how much you change, I am amazed with how alert you are. You are getting a lot better at holding your head up, however, you don't really like it when we make you do "tummy time" but we try to do so each day some. You do hold your head up though, making it hard for mommy and daddy to burp  you at times!! You love your bath time now, and mommy enjoys how cuddly you are afterward. Before you go down each night, mommy reads "Love You Forever" to you, then gives you lots of kisses (cuz I know one day I won't get them) and then I put you down. You usually will stay up and talk for about 30 minutes then finally drift off to sleep. Sometimes I go back and just watch you sleep, so peacefully there in your crib. Mommy went back to work a week ago, which is a little sad, but it makes it all worth it to come home and get some good cuddle time and have you snuggle up under my chin. I look forward to each and every day and how much you grow and continue to change and can't wait for more!!!

HAPPY 2 MONTHS Chunky Monkey :)

God give me the strength!

My sweet lil' monkey had to get shots today...I think I had a harder time than Hudson did. His little face got so red, he would tense up when the needle went in and then it was almost as if you could see the moment the pain set in in his eyes, broke my heart!!! He was a little fussy before, it's almost as if he knew what was coming!

Me trying to comfort him before we saw the doctor

Dr. Ransom trying to make nice with Hudson before his shots

In the end, Hudson did just fine, mommy did ok too. I scooped him up right after and gave him hugs and kisses and he calmed down right away. We gave him some Tylenol and he slept most of the afternoon. Jason is working a football game tonight, since school started back up that means Jason will begin working off-duty again so we came to grandma & grandpa's for the evening. I just hope we have a good night...

Well, I survived!

I survived my first day back at work, I'm not gonna lie though, it was tough! My computer was not working today so I didn't have much to keep me "busy." About 4:30pm the IT department finally fixed it and I was checking 125 e-mails at the end of the day!!! I tried to not think about leaving him but about every 30 minutes I had someone coming in and asking "you having withdrawels yet?" or "you missing your baby?" or "how are you doing?" or "let me see pictures of him!" and so forth so it was rough. I did go see him at lunch to nurse him and get me some lovin' and it sure made the afternoon a little more bareable! Then to see his sweet smile at 5:00pm made it all worth it! I rushed home to fix dinner for Jason and then I got me some snuggles from my chunky monkey! I'm sure tired though, I hope he sleeps a little better tonight so mommy can get some sleep!!

It's hard getting up and functioning at 4:30am, and I know what most of you are thinking, but I didn't wake up that early before. At 4:30am, that gave me an hour and a half to get myself showered and all ready, nursed him at 6:00am then pumped and got everything washed and put away, this had me getting done around 6:45am(ish). Then I got him up and ready to go, loaded the car all up, not to mention finished packing plenty of things for Grandma's house, then actually made it out the door at 7:00am like I had hoped! I left my mom's at 7:20am - had to get a head start on that school traffic! I didn't make it down the driveway though before I lost it, but I had composed myself by the time I made it into heavy traffic since my front windows aren't tinted - don't need anyone thinking I'm some crazy crying fool :)

Well, at least tomorrow I don't have to rush quite as much, Hudson will be staying home with Daddy tomorrow! So yay! Ok...gotta get some more snuggles in before bed!

Moments of reflection

I have to say I am truly grateful for the time that was provided for me to stay home with Hudson in the first few weeks of his life, however, on the eve of going back to work I find myself dreading the morning hours. In 8 short weeks my sweet boy has changed so much and I know he will continue to change, what if I miss something, how will I be able to deal with it? I know that in this day in age that mothers do work, and I always said I would go back to work, but it's really hard to handle. And to top it all off, Hudson is getting his 8 week shots on Friday, this week is going to be HELL for me! I know tomorrow will be the worst day, it will get better as the days go on, but it's the anticipation right now that I'm feeling of having to leave Hudson, for longer than just the 2 or 3 hours in between feedings that I've been doing. As I sit here and type this out, I can hear Hudson and Jason laughing and cooing with one another, it breaks my heart that I might miss out on some of those times while I'm at work.

The past 8 weeks have been hard, don't get me wrong, it was no walk in the park. In the beginning I think I was functioning on little to no sleep, I even fell asleep for about 20 minutes while nursing one morning - Hudson didn't seem to mind, he kept eating! Then we got into a little bit of a routine, he was eating every 3 hours and sleeping about 4-5 hours at night. Then he began sleeping longer, going about 5-6 hours at night, giving us some more time, then all of a sudden around 6 weeks he began sleeping about 6-7 hours and has been ever since, with the exception of the past few days since he's been a little sick. During the day, I nurse, then pump, by the time I get everything done and pump parts washed and milk in the fridge, Hudson starts getting fussy wanting to eat again. I barely have time to even use the restroom these days! Now he's doing a lot better, he can entertain himself so I can put him down, he doesn't nurse quite as long so I get done quicker and have a little bit more time to do things in between feedings. Of course it's been nice when Jason or my mom are around and I can pass him off for someone else to burp and change him. I hurt from head to toe, my body is so run down I don't know what can possibly go wrong next, I don't care to cook, clean, or do laundry...anything that requires more energy than sitting on the couch; the only thing that does keep me going from day to day is seeing my sweet boy's smile every morning! It makes the aches and pains all go away to hear those first few coos and laughs every morning. I do have to admit, the house is very dusty...I didn't really care to dust much before but it would get to a point that I would break down and clean, but these days catching a 15 minute nap is more important to me than dusting the dresser or figuring something out for dinner, or doing that load of laundry, or that load of dishes...I think I need a maid!

I do have to say how truly blessed I feel that God chose me to be his mother, this amazing little man is all mine; mine to raise, mine to teach, mine to mold into a loving man just like his father. I hope in the past 8 weeks I haven't forgotten to do something, forgotten to tell him how much I love him, and I hope that in the years to come that I don't forget to do something. Sure, there'll be mistakes along the way...like running the car seat and/or stroller into walls, doors, clothes racks, ect.; or bumping your head on the handle of the car seat because I forgot to put it down; or forgetting that you will spit all the milk back up if I change your diaper right after I feed you; or forgetting to cover everything up while changing a diaper and getting an unexpected "shower" and many, many more, but I hope with each of those lil' mistakes that I walk away with a lesson learned and maybe a laugh or two to share with you when Hudson gets older.

I am blessed to have this amazing son, blessed to have such an amazing husband, blessed to have such amazing friends and family in my life; I don't know what I did in this world to deserve such wonderful blessings but I am truly grateful for them all, each and every one of them!

Lots to do before the evening is over though...I have to pack a bag for my sweet monkey to take to grandma's tomorrow, *tear*, and make sure I have everything ready for me too. I really should have thought this out a little better rather than picking the first day of school to try to go back to work! Sheesh!!!

G'nite!

My big boy

I can't believe it but the time has finally come that we had to move Hudson from our room to his nursery. You think I'd be ready, all the hard work that I put into that room, you would think that I would be excited for him to finally go to it. I think that I had a harder time with it than he did though. He stirred around for a while...or rather played around cooing at his mobile and talking to himself, but then he went right to sleep. Me on the other hand shed a few tears, didn't really get much sleep because I was constantly watching our monitor and worried if it was too soon for most of today but in the end he's fine and I think I'll be ok too. He is sleeping well, tonight he was asleep before we even were ready for him to go to the nursery so it made it a little easier this evening to just be able to put him down, of course I still read to him even though he wasn't awake but I know he heard it because he smiled every time I got to the song. "It's moments like this that make me wish I could freeze frame time!"

Our first cold :(

Although he doesn't act like it, Hudson has his first lil' cold. He began with a stuffy nose yesterday but now he has a full-fledged runny nose, sneezing a lot and has yucky things coming out of his nose! BUT...he sure doesn't act like he's feeling bad!!

Wooooo...BAD HAIR DAY!!!

When we give Hudson a bath at night time, if we don't get his hair completely dry then his hair will look quite rough in the morning...as was the case this morning!!

He's just so dang cute though!!! Ahhh...I could just eat him up! :)

Water marbling

So I have discovered a new website called Pinterest and am absolutely obsessed with searching things on it! A friend found this idea called water marbling for your nails and I looked into it. It's very time consuming (which I don't have a lot of these days!)...and takes a lot of patience but the end result is actually pretty cool:

Ugh...please excuse my horrible cuticles!!!

I don't know that I will be trying this again any time soon but I am pleased with the results this first go round!

Some things I've discovered about myself

As I prepare to go back to work on Monday, I look back at the past 8 weeks of being home with Hudson and I have come to discover some pretty amazing things; about me, about life, about my husband but most importantly about being a mother.

- I am the mother of the most remarkable little man ever!

- You do gain some patience when they are your own kids...

- Your life truly doesn't start until you have a child, it really is a blessing from God and I can't imagine life without him

- I really hate when others come up and ask about or refer to him as "their" baby.

- I could not have made it through the past 8 weeks, and 9 months, if it weren't for my amazing husband

- No one can do things for my son like I do; changing diapers, consoling him, giving him a bath, just holding him, ect. are all my things that I feel like only I can do right, it's not saying that anyone is necessarily doing anything wrong, it's just not the way that I do it

- Breastfeeding really is the best weight-loss program after you give birth!

- I carried him for 9 months, he is MY CHILD and I've earned the right to be a little selfish with him if I want to

- I never thought that a simple smile could light up my day, or hearing a little "coo" could bring me to tears.

- I took 8 weeks off but after everyone finally left or visits were finally done, I only got to spend about 2 weeks with him

- I am a lot stronger than I ever gave my self credit for, and it took having a child to finally see that

Love You Forever

I started reading this book to Hudson a few days ago and it's still getting to me!!! I think it is the sweetest story ever and I hope to continue to read it to him until he's much much older and that he will read it to his children some day too, but I still can't get through the story without crying my eyes out!

In case there are some out there that have never heard of the story before, it's about a mother who rocks her son and sings this song to him every night until he's a grown man, it starts out with newborn, then 2 year old, then 9 year old, then teenager, then grown man...then it gets to where the mother is too old to sing to her son anymore he sings it back to her, only changing the last line to "My mommy you'll be." It's so sweet though and just brings tears to my eyes to even think about it now as I blog about the book!

So my sweet monkey:
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be

I realized this week...

How incredibly blessed I am to have such an amazing husband in my life. First off...came home early Monday morning to rush to the doctor since I was running a 102 degree fever, not fun while you are nursing to not be able to hold your child! Could not have made it through the day without Jason, he stopped so much on the drive home for me to just get up and walk around because he could see just how much pain I was in sitting, then once home he took care of pretty much everything; I came in and laid down, he unloaded the car, fed Hudson then fixed us something to eat. I finally went to the doctor's office, no cold, just a lovely case of Mastitis. I was so excited that I could come home and love on my monkey! I got some antibiotics and hopefully it will clear up soon! The day was rough even after I got home though; my aches and pain had come back, my fever was ever higher and I just felt flat out crummy! My parents brought us dinner and I didn't even want to eat but forced myself too, and about 10:00pm my medicine was finally kicking in good and I was feeling so much better. By 3:00am I was back to feeling crummy though, fever was even worse than before and aches were almost crippling. Again, Jason was there to do so much for me and Hudson. By Tuesday evening I was FINALLY starting to feel better, meds had been in my system for 24 hours at this point and I was moving around a lot better and fever was pretty much gone! The only lingering things were the headache and the stiff neck/shoulders. Tried for a back rub but Jason wasn't going for that much :( I decided to move Hudson and me into the living room for the next few days, Jason goes back to work and I wanted him to get some good sleep since he has to wake up so early, and I have to make sure to pump every couple of hours, even between feedings to help with the Mastitis so this works out pretty good for us both. I actually managed to get some sleep but was constantly hot/cold/hot/cold, I feared I would wake up and be running a fever again but wasn't. Wednesday and Thursday were probably some of the worst days ever. Hudson was great in the mornings, afternoons though were another story. He screamed...and I mean screamed bloody murder if he wasn't being held. I think someone got spoiled being held for 6 days straight and now trying to break that is not fun for my emotions, especially with Jason gone at work, I have no one to give me a break. Jason doesn't want to believe me, he thinks it's colic, and it may be but I know that a lot of it is just getting spoiled. I finally had my breaking point on Thursday afternoon and just cried for about 2 hours with Hudson. I changed diapers as he needed them changed and fed him when he needed to be fed but nothing was working. I held, I rocked, I walked, I sat, I laid down, I did everything I could possibly think of and it would work and I would put him down but then he would go right back to screaming so when it all failed I just rocked and cried with him. I had wanted to do something nice for Jason so I had cooked him a nice dinner and gotten him a really nice card and gift, something to say thanks for all that he has done for me lately but Hudson just didn't want to let me get it all done. I was so thankful to have Jason home with me today, I was able to get some things done around the house. We took my mom to lunch for her birthday, but came back home and did some more. Hudson has a busy Saturday ahead of him, two birthday parties and a softball game!!! Can't wait!!!

Anyway, to get back to what I originally wanted this blog to be about, my amazing husband. He has been so helpful to me during this entire process...not just the past 7 weeks but the past year, the past 7 years we've been together, he's always done everything he can for me. He's strong, loving, caring, endearing, kind, considerate, and most importantly, MY HERO. I love him more now than ever, I enjoy seeing him interact with Hudson and the loving father he has become and will continue to be. I love that he still takes time though to make me feel special. I don't know what I ever did in this world to deserves such an amazing man but I am so lucky to have him in my life, as a husband, as the father of our child but mostly as my HERO.

Our happy lil' family

We got some family photos over the weekend, the mosquitos were crazy bad so we had to hurry but I'm glad that we have them now ;)

Hudson posed...notice his hands :)

We tried for one with Dixie and had to be quick...she does not like to pose!!!

Then everyone came outside for a big family photo

Such a happy baby

We can always get some good smiles out of Hudson in the mornings and this past week was so nice, we were getting him up and dressed to go and see everyone and he was always so happy so we got lots of happy faces!

Hudson had lots of fun visiting his Nana and Poppy, Mimi and Uncle Skipper and cousins Chloe and Brianna. Unfortunately we had to hurry back, I woke up this morning with a 102 degree fever...hopefully the doctor will give me some good medication!!!

Does it really get any cuter than this?!

Such a happy baby this morning, we were off to meet Hudson's great-grandmother Hamilton (Jason's 95 year old Granny) and he was just as happy as he could be this morning!!! Please excuse the graininess...I was scrambling to even get my phone in time for this shot!

Maybe I'm a little biased but he's pretty darn cute!

He was all tuckered out though and slept the whole way back home!

5 weeks meets 95 years

Today we took Hudson to meet his 95 year old great-grandmother, Jason's granny. This is her 13th great-grandchild and she was so excited to meet him.

They were holding hands

 

Granny, Jason and Hudson

Before, during and after pregnancy

I have some funny observations about how different things can seem before, during and after pregnancy and thought I would share them:

1) Bathroom Breaks
    - before pregnancy you want to find the cleanest stall, even if it's the last one and someone is in it and you have to wait for it; or you want to find the cleanest gas station, even if that means you have to drive an extra mile and your bladder is about to explode...you wait
    - during pregnancy you hit the first stall running and barely are able to pull your pants down or you'll use the restroom on the side of the road if you have to (no I never had to do this), but whatever you have to do, you do it quickly without thinking about cleanliness
    - after pregnancy...I think I just went in my pants...hahahaha, no really, after pregnancy you have to wait until diapers are changed, baby's been fed and is asleep and you can find someone to watch him for just a short moment while you dash to the restroom and go so quickly you'd think the house was on fire!

2) Eating
    - before pregnancy you ate when you wanted to, at your own schedule, it didn't matter but you didn't have to worry about anyone but yourself, never wondering just what that spicy Chinese food might do to you or those hot wings and how you might feel in a few hours
    - during pregnancy you eat everything in sight from sun up to sun down, usually throwing most of it back up from the morning sickness or it just not agreeing with the baby; you worry that everything you put in your mouth might be bad for the baby
    - after pregnancy...you eat in shifts, and you eat so fast people think you are in a food eating contest and of course this is after diapers are done and baby's been fed...so if you even get to eat is an accomplishment in itself!

3) Sleeping
    - ahhhhh before pregnancy you could go to sleep when you wanted, sleep however you wanted, wherever you waned and for hours on end, nothing could wake you up and you could snuggle up with a pillow and be just ever so comfortable
    - during pregnancy everyone tells you to get your sleep while you can because once the baby is here you won't ever sleep again; in your first trimester you are woken up by sickness and running to the restroom, in your second trimester you are beginning to fill out and it's beginning to get hard to get comfortable, and in your final trimester you are so larger you can only manage to "cat-nap" on your back which usually leads to you snoring or tossing and turning which leads to your spouse kicking you to the couch...sleep is something you fantasize about at this point
    - after pregnancy it really is true, BUT, it can be made easy...you can get sleep if you are smart, get on your baby's schedule...of course there are those moments where you wake up at every sound the baby makes, then you wake up when they don't make a sound to make sure they are still breathing, then it's time for a diaper change and then it's time to feed...yea sleep doesn't exist at this point anymore, it's a figment of your imagination

4) Moods and Emotions
    - before pregnancy you are the angel, always happy and not a care in the world
    - during pregnancy you are the biggest witch in the world but you get to blame it on the pregnancy hormones and everyone understands, you have a very short fuse and it doesn't take much to set you off and when that happens...Lord help us all!
    - after pregnancy your filter is pretty much gone and at this point you really don't care anymore and "because I said so" is a permanent statement in your vocabulary; you are a constant basket case and think you are the craziest person in the world and that it's never happened to anyone but you!

5) Your Personal Life
    - before pregnancy you can pack up and go on a vacation at a moment's notice, you can go out to dinner and drinks and even a movie and it's ok; you don't have to check your schedule, it's always free for something
    - during pregnancy you slow down a bit, you obviously can't go out and drink but dinner and movies are a must just at a slower pace, vacations are ok too, you just have to make sure it's between weeks 12-30; your schedule consists of eating...bathroom...eating...propping feet up...eating...bathroom again...and maybe a little bit of sleep here or there
    - after pregnancy YOUR LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT HAS JUST BEGUN...PERIOD!

When I was a little girl I couldn't wait to grow up and be married and have kids, once I was pregnant I began to wonder just how much a child would change everything, now that he's here, I can't imagine my life ever without him. I never knew I could love someone so much so instantaneously! I carried him for 9 months, I felt his first movements, or when he didn't like what I was doing or eating, or when he thought it was fun to push on mommy's bladder...then I held him those first moments he was born...not exactly the birth we had planned for but I have a healthy baby boy to show for the delivery I had. I've seen him laugh, and cry - and I've laughed and cried some too, but I honestly can't imagine how I got on with my life before this handsome lil' man came into it.

Yay me!

So we went to the doctor today for my 8 week post-pardum check-up. Things are going great, my incision has healed up fully and she began talking about baby number 2 and how she would really like for me to try again at a natural child birth! I'm so excited to hear her talk like that, makes me feel like it wasn't something I did that prevented me from having the natural child birth with Hudson. She doesn't really have an answer for me as to what exactly went wrong with this labor, it was just a combination of a lot of little things; lack of amniotic fluid, deterioration of the placenta, his heart rate not holding steady and so forth. She explained that my frame is a little small but she's seen smaller women deliver bigger babies so she knows that can't be it. So there's hope for baby number 2 :) Also...she really boosted my ego by walking in and shouting "Look at you coming in here all skinny - you do realize you're 8lbs under your pre-pregnancy weight!" I was on cloud 9 for the rest of the day! Breastfeeding really does work, because up until about 2 days ago I wasn't doing any physical activity either but we have begun to walk in the evenings. I knew I was losing weight but wasn't really keeping up with it, just making sure that Hudson was growing and the chunk sure is!!! So yay ME! :)